6 posts tagged “life”

Humble Me

I was in the car the other day and this song came on. It made me stop and think. Its not like it was the first time I heard the song. I've heard it plenty of times but the other day I listened to the song - to the words. And the song put me in my place. Every now and then music will do that to me, put me in my place, put things into perspective. Always right on time.

"Don't let me forget who I am"
"Remind me of the man who has nothing to eat"

As I am going through my day to day routine, with my day to day stresses about this, that and the other, "Humble Me" put me in my place. My worries are nothing to those who are really struggling. My kids have food to eat every day while whole countries are starving. And no matter how bad things might seem, they have a way of working out for the best. Sometimes you need to step back to look at the big picture. It really puts things into perspective.

"Remind me to be grateful for what I already have"

As my worries have consumed me over the past few weeks I forget that I am blessed. I forget that there is so much good going on in my life. And as I stress out over what might happen I forget that things could be worse. I forget to say thank you for the blessings that already surround me, for the miracles I have received this year alone.

I have a lot going on in my life right now. I'm going through a divorce, starting school again in a couple weeks, started a new job a few weeks ago, moving this summer. Juggling raising two kids, making sure their needs are met. I'm busy. I get worn out. I worry how I'll manage everything on my plate. I sometimes get to the place of woe is me, no one has it as bad as I do. Ummm, but that's not true. That's the disconnected from self me, the me who has misplaced her connection to Spirit. Who's forgotten that I am where I am because Spirit has been there with me all the way, guiding me with gentle (and not so gentle) reminders when I get off track. Then I step back, take a few deep breaths and remember to hand over to the universe whatever I can't handle. When my  load gets too heavy to carry, I hand off some to the universe knowing that a power beyond me has never let me down. I pause and reflect on the blessings I've been given. I pack the worries away, whatever doesn't feed my spirit, whatever doesn't serve me. I'll enjoy what life has already brought my way.

Everything is connected. It's more than being positive, its about being present. It's about stepping back and looking at the big picture and seeing reality for what it really is. It's not just about my little problems that my mind likes to  make mountains out of. It's about remembering my place in this puzzle called life. It's about making my contribution to the world and not getting bogged down by every day issues. For there will always be issues, there will always be something to want. There will always be comething. How you look at that something is what matters. Are you looking at the bigger picture or your own version that doesn't really serve you? Learning to recognize the difference is paramount to leading a fulfilled life. Don't get bogged down by whatever life throws at you. It's all temporary, it'll blow over eventually. Really, it will.

A few months down the road I'll be settled in my new place, my divorce will be finalized, I'll be juggling the kids and work and school. It'll be all good, it always is. These hurdles will be surpassed and eventually new ones will show up to replace them. It's all temporary, the up and down cycle of life. Enjoy it while it's good, when it's bad know that it will soon pass. Stay humble, we are all blessed. We are all God's children.

"Don't let me forget who I am"

We all need reminders from time to time.

Time to get shuffling along.

It was pointed out to me not too long ago that I drag my feet when I walk. Wasn't the first time I've heard that, just the first time I paid attention. My son does the same thing except when he's running around.

That comment got me thinking about what it could possibly be that I'm dragging my feet about. What have I been undecided about or not really giving my full attention to? I realized that what I've been putting off are some of the things that are mainly beneficial to me. The taking time to care for myself issues - not putting what's important for me first.

Over the past few weeks I've let some pursuits of mine fall to the side as I focused my attention on taking care of others. I tipped the scales in one direction and left myself hanging. And I've been dragging my heels when it comes to getting myself back in balance.

I'm getting there. I can't be everything to everybody, and if I don't take care of myself I won't be any good to anyone else. And for some reason being aware of when I drag my feet makes a big difference. Whodathunkit?

Four days to go and things have gotten a lot calmer at work. Last week was crazy, causing blood pressure spikes and what not but its over. Things have calmed down and the end is in sight. The light can be seen at at the end of the tunnel. The personalities around here have mellowed out, the bickering has come to an end. And that's mainly because some people choose not to interact with others like they used to. Doesn't phase me one bit. I only have to see one of my co-workers again after next Monday and being that she's the reason I'm on this planet I really don't mind *wink*

The adventure of working with my mom is coming to an end. I'm surprised it went as well as it did. During these past few months I've learned more about her and our relationship has grown a lot. The main thing I'll take away from this experience of working with her is now I know how much she admires me not only as her daughter but also as a person. Our relationship has been a rollercoaster ride over the years. And as I've grown, our relationship has changed, unfortunately not always for the better. Now being equipped with a better understanding of who I am as a woman and a single parent it's easier for me to put myself in her shoes and see where she's coming from.

Since I moved back here from Omaha I've cleared out a lot of my "mommy" issues. That was a difficult yet much needed process and we're both benefiting from the results. Are we the best of friends? No. But our relationship is better. This past weekend me, her and my sister were chilling at home eating dinner. The whole crew chilling and eating together at home. All family like. Hopefully this rare occurrence will become a more regular one.

I'm moving forward as this job will very soon be behind me. I have a new job and management there seems to be on the ball. Time will tell how all of that will work out. Once again I'll be the new kid on the block. It won't be the last time. Hopefully for this career field it will be though. The wheels are in motion for me to get back to school.

New job - check. Going back to school - check. Moving over the summer - check. Divorce rolling along smoothly - double check. Everything is running smoothly, I really couldn't ask for more.

Getting back to the music - a new mix is in the works and hopefully we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming soon.

And I'm ready to go.

Less than two weeks to go with my current job. Had interview #1 with potential new job last Monday and an impromptu last minute interview #2 on Friday. Followed by the usual "we'll get in touch with you". I was ok over the weekend. But Monday I wasn't. Between waiting to hear if I'll have a job after this one ends and the crisis after crisis at the current job I was beyond worn out. Yesterday wasn't much better. People who I thought I was cool with have been working my nerves to the point where if they do one more thing wrong I'm going to go off.

Yesterday I had to take a little breather. Ran out to Starbucks during lunch and grabbed a Caramel Macchiato. And told myself there's only a couple more weeks that I have to deal with these people. After that I won't have to see none of them again - except for one but I'm stuck with her.

After my Starbucks run I grabbed my notebook and went through it looking for something I had wrote a couple days ago. A little self-inspiration to keep me from not going postal. Between the caramel triple caffeinated goodness flowing through the recycled cup and what I had written earlier I began to relax. And then my cell phone rang.

Potential new job decided they really liked me. And wanted to hire me. So no more worrying about the job situation. Which is what the S.O was trying to get me to understand the last couple of weeks. My stress levels hit the roof even though I tried to hide it. I'm not good at hiding stuff btw.

Have you learned your lesson yet? Stay calm, worry only about the things you can control, make sound decisions and let the chips fall as they may.

The S.O

I don't know what I would do without him. In the short time I've known him he's been there for me through some serious situations trying his best to keep me grounded in whats real around me and out of the dangers of my own head. I think I'll keep him... for as long as he'll let me.

Since I'm officially no longer living paycheck to paycheck due to severance pay from soon to be old job and I now have a new job to look forward to... I can relax. And set the wheels in motion for the next big adventures of my so-called life... getting back into school and moving. The first quarter of 08 is almost over and the lessons I've learned will last a lifetime.

Moving forward bit by bit, step by step. Falling where I may but dusting myself off and getting back up. Even though setbacks come, they also go. Moving forward no matter what. And that's what counts.

"Bless a thing and it will bless you. Curse it and it will curse you...If you bless a situation, it has no power to hurt you, and even if it is troublesome for a time, it will gradually fade out, if you sincerely bless it." -- Emmet Fox

I found this quote today. And as I've been told before, I didn't find it by accident...

I didn't get it. The supposedly guaranteed job fell through. *sigh* But doors open and they close. Soon the right door will open for me. I was mad about it for a little while. That's until I realized I didn't really want to work there in the first place. It's the same environment as a previous job and I vowed I wouldn't return to a place like that. And I won't.

The only reason why I convinced myself that it would work is because it seemed like an obvious transition... just follow the clients. And it took a lot of work to convince myself that I would be able to tolerate that atmosphere again.

Getting mad about it won't solve anything. It definitely won't get me any closer to another job. It's just another door that was closed and so I'm moving on. Over time the realization will hit that a mistake was made but by then I will have moved on to something better. That's why the door was closed in the first place. Because something better is in the works.

The fact that my mother is full of positive advice... *blink blink* thanks to Oprah is all at once weird yet reassuring. If she's full of positivity something hella good is going to come out of all of this. My path is veering into a new direction now, one in which I'm not too sure where I'm going. But fear is not coming along with me on this ride.

Life has something in store for me. My job... I let it consume me. I'm way overdue for moving on. When I left my last job I knew then that I needed to get out of this industry. But I felt that I needed this job. So now the universe is taking it from me. This is the clue that I need to refocus my priorites. I had been putting my job first and almost everything else on hold. And not getting the "guaranteed" job - it's just unmistakeable proof that its time for me to move in a new direction... through a new door.