5 posts tagged “inspiration”

I was in the car the other day and this song came on. It made me stop and think. Its not like it was the first time I heard the song. I've heard it plenty of times but the other day I listened to the song - to the words. And the song put me in my place. Every now and then music will do that to me, put me in my place, put things into perspective. Always right on time.

"Don't let me forget who I am"
"Remind me of the man who has nothing to eat"

As I am going through my day to day routine, with my day to day stresses about this, that and the other, "Humble Me" put me in my place. My worries are nothing to those who are really struggling. My kids have food to eat every day while whole countries are starving. And no matter how bad things might seem, they have a way of working out for the best. Sometimes you need to step back to look at the big picture. It really puts things into perspective.

"Remind me to be grateful for what I already have"

As my worries have consumed me over the past few weeks I forget that I am blessed. I forget that there is so much good going on in my life. And as I stress out over what might happen I forget that things could be worse. I forget to say thank you for the blessings that already surround me, for the miracles I have received this year alone.

I have a lot going on in my life right now. I'm going through a divorce, starting school again in a couple weeks, started a new job a few weeks ago, moving this summer. Juggling raising two kids, making sure their needs are met. I'm busy. I get worn out. I worry how I'll manage everything on my plate. I sometimes get to the place of woe is me, no one has it as bad as I do. Ummm, but that's not true. That's the disconnected from self me, the me who has misplaced her connection to Spirit. Who's forgotten that I am where I am because Spirit has been there with me all the way, guiding me with gentle (and not so gentle) reminders when I get off track. Then I step back, take a few deep breaths and remember to hand over to the universe whatever I can't handle. When my  load gets too heavy to carry, I hand off some to the universe knowing that a power beyond me has never let me down. I pause and reflect on the blessings I've been given. I pack the worries away, whatever doesn't feed my spirit, whatever doesn't serve me. I'll enjoy what life has already brought my way.

Everything is connected. It's more than being positive, its about being present. It's about stepping back and looking at the big picture and seeing reality for what it really is. It's not just about my little problems that my mind likes to  make mountains out of. It's about remembering my place in this puzzle called life. It's about making my contribution to the world and not getting bogged down by every day issues. For there will always be issues, there will always be something to want. There will always be comething. How you look at that something is what matters. Are you looking at the bigger picture or your own version that doesn't really serve you? Learning to recognize the difference is paramount to leading a fulfilled life. Don't get bogged down by whatever life throws at you. It's all temporary, it'll blow over eventually. Really, it will.

A few months down the road I'll be settled in my new place, my divorce will be finalized, I'll be juggling the kids and work and school. It'll be all good, it always is. These hurdles will be surpassed and eventually new ones will show up to replace them. It's all temporary, the up and down cycle of life. Enjoy it while it's good, when it's bad know that it will soon pass. Stay humble, we are all blessed. We are all God's children.

"Don't let me forget who I am"

We all need reminders from time to time.

Twice now I’ve had a dream about me being a published author in less than a month. The first one was a non-fiction book through a major company that I would love to have publish my books. This last one I was writing the dedication for a fiction work. It was dedicated to my mother, my sister and my kids. After I saw that part my thinking self stepped in and clouded it all up. I realized someone was missing from the dedication and started to wonder why. I need to get writing so I can catch up with my dreams.

I used to write - a lot. I began journaling when I was around 9. Always making up stories here and there, knowing I wanted to be a writer when I grew up (or a shrink). I guess I haven't grown up yet. In high school I had this English teacher who critiqued a poem I had written. I don't remember it - all I remember is that I was comparing love to a wilted flower. She liked it but still had to throw in a negative comment about it being a typical love poem. Everyone else loved it. But not her - she only liked it and then put her stamp of disapproval on it.

Why did I let the teacher who would re-read the same "classics" until they fell apart bother me? The same woman who lived and breathed English lit 24/7 with out a real life? I don't know but nevertheless it did. And the realization hit me a few days ago that it still does. She took my budding voice away from me that day. And I want it back. To a young adult, criticism can only be constructive for so long, eventually it becomes damaging to the frail teenage ego. After healing the hurts from the remnants of my childhood brought about by my family something was still off kilter. The memory of her criticism of that particular poem came at me out of nowhere, but I'm glad it did. Now I can move on and get back to writing.

I'd start and then stop. I'd only be able to get so far on a project and then the same fear would make me freeze. Whether it was a novel, a poetry collection or even a website design it didn't matter. Fear would always take over me. What if it isn't good enough? I'd put it away only to pull it out weeks or months later and see that it wasn't that bad. And I'd add a little more to it until that thought would invade my head again. Excuses would be made - I don't have time, I'm too tired, whatever necessary to avoid the truth - that I was afraid.

Reading books didn't help - self-help books, writing books, books of inspiration - nope - just another reason to continue putting off what I know feeds the core of my being. And as spring has started to show signs of life, so has the urge to write. The memory of that teacher is my starting point to put those fears to rest once and for all. I can't let no one else deem my worthiness. The criticisms and judgments have nothing to do with me. I'm done playing the victim and giving up my dreams. Writing is a part of me. Ink runs through my veins. No more excuses - circumstances will never be perfect for me to write. Time isn't my enemy, I just have to be more aware of how I use it. Stuff is going to happen regardless - how I react is what really matters. I'm the one who determines what goes on in my life and what I choose to do.

After being stifled creatively for years, discourage by others who thankfully no longer have any say in what goes on in my life, I'm letting go of that negativity and moving forward. That's my mantra this year - moving forward no matter what. Progress is being made yet at times I still stumble with it. I keep getting up, brushing the dirt off (like Obama) and moving along. Gotta do what I gotta do. Short bursts of inspiration - a story line here, a character there, a few pages every now and then, never got much done. But that's ok, I see what I needed to learn. I've been lost and not sure where to go with my creativity. Do I try novels, poetry or non-fiction? Or all of the above? I still don't know. All I know is that I need to follow my heart. Pick up the pen, show up to the page and see what shows up. Outside circumstances will come and go but what's in my heart is here to stay.

So even if others decide to throw their two cents my way I won't let it phase me. My ego is out of the picture. My heart is in charge leading me to the realization of my dreams. And this journey is going to be a blessed event indeed.

And I'm ready to go.

Less than two weeks to go with my current job. Had interview #1 with potential new job last Monday and an impromptu last minute interview #2 on Friday. Followed by the usual "we'll get in touch with you". I was ok over the weekend. But Monday I wasn't. Between waiting to hear if I'll have a job after this one ends and the crisis after crisis at the current job I was beyond worn out. Yesterday wasn't much better. People who I thought I was cool with have been working my nerves to the point where if they do one more thing wrong I'm going to go off.

Yesterday I had to take a little breather. Ran out to Starbucks during lunch and grabbed a Caramel Macchiato. And told myself there's only a couple more weeks that I have to deal with these people. After that I won't have to see none of them again - except for one but I'm stuck with her.

After my Starbucks run I grabbed my notebook and went through it looking for something I had wrote a couple days ago. A little self-inspiration to keep me from not going postal. Between the caramel triple caffeinated goodness flowing through the recycled cup and what I had written earlier I began to relax. And then my cell phone rang.

Potential new job decided they really liked me. And wanted to hire me. So no more worrying about the job situation. Which is what the S.O was trying to get me to understand the last couple of weeks. My stress levels hit the roof even though I tried to hide it. I'm not good at hiding stuff btw.

Have you learned your lesson yet? Stay calm, worry only about the things you can control, make sound decisions and let the chips fall as they may.

The S.O

That's what he sent me via text message after I told him about the job. And he's right. That's what I've been telling myself all year. We can chalk this up to lesson learned. Hopefully I won't have to resort to getting the Serenity Prayer tattooed on my arm for the message to stick.

I don't know what I would do without him. In the short time I've known him he's been there for me through some serious situations trying his best to keep me grounded in whats real around me and out of the dangers of my own head. I think I'll keep him... for as long as he'll let me.

Since I'm officially no longer living paycheck to paycheck due to severance pay from soon to be old job and I now have a new job to look forward to... I can relax. And set the wheels in motion for the next big adventures of my so-called life... getting back into school and moving. The first quarter of 08 is almost over and the lessons I've learned will last a lifetime.

Moving forward bit by bit, step by step. Falling where I may but dusting myself off and getting back up. Even though setbacks come, they also go. Moving forward no matter what. And that's what counts.

"Bless a thing and it will bless you. Curse it and it will curse you...If you bless a situation, it has no power to hurt you, and even if it is troublesome for a time, it will gradually fade out, if you sincerely bless it." -- Emmet Fox

I found this quote today. And as I've been told before, I didn't find it by accident...

I didn't get it. The supposedly guaranteed job fell through. *sigh* But doors open and they close. Soon the right door will open for me. I was mad about it for a little while. That's until I realized I didn't really want to work there in the first place. It's the same environment as a previous job and I vowed I wouldn't return to a place like that. And I won't.

The only reason why I convinced myself that it would work is because it seemed like an obvious transition... just follow the clients. And it took a lot of work to convince myself that I would be able to tolerate that atmosphere again.

Getting mad about it won't solve anything. It definitely won't get me any closer to another job. It's just another door that was closed and so I'm moving on. Over time the realization will hit that a mistake was made but by then I will have moved on to something better. That's why the door was closed in the first place. Because something better is in the works.

The fact that my mother is full of positive advice... *blink blink* thanks to Oprah is all at once weird yet reassuring. If she's full of positivity something hella good is going to come out of all of this. My path is veering into a new direction now, one in which I'm not too sure where I'm going. But fear is not coming along with me on this ride.

Life has something in store for me. My job... I let it consume me. I'm way overdue for moving on. When I left my last job I knew then that I needed to get out of this industry. But I felt that I needed this job. So now the universe is taking it from me. This is the clue that I need to refocus my priorites. I had been putting my job first and almost everything else on hold. And not getting the "guaranteed" job - it's just unmistakeable proof that its time for me to move in a new direction... through a new door.